You have been privy to most, if not all, of my relationships. I’ve always appreciated the godly advice and wisdom that have always been mine for the taking, and have always provided a willing ear whenever I came knocking, provided, of course, that we had enough tea (rooibos please!) and coffee to fill Kariba twice over.

As I write this, I am single again, not for the first time and certainly not for a lack of trying. All my past relationships have been with truly wonderful people, but evidently none have come to fruition as far as marriage is concerned. So then my friend, what is it about me that makes people who love me, love to leave me?

I have been digging around for a reason, or reasons, why. The most logical follow up to this last statement would be to plug in a list of self introspective faults and failures right here. But I only said I have been digging around… Whatever my discoveries will be, I am most certain that the conclusion will be that oft-used breakup line that I have heard far too many times – “It’s not you, it’s me.”. And I will tell them to you when that chapter is written.

That mine-shaft has however, led me to think of yet another question. What am I looking for in my eventual life-companion and God-chaser? Three things come to mind:

Someone who loves God more than they could ever love me.

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). I am looking for someone whose first and foremost desire and love is Christ, with all else being secondary, including me. Only then can I be certain that I will be loved in all of love’s fullness.

Someone whose pursuit in life is meaning, not comfort.

Pleasure is fleeting and as lasting as the morning mist. Only a fool would make comfort his life’s end goal. Meaning, rather, is found in man’s chief end – “To glorify God and enjoy him forever” (Question 1, Westminster Shorter Catechism). That will require a determined pursuit of God’s calling over, to quote Jordan Peterson, whatever else that may seem expedient. An even better source of this wisdom, however, is Christ when he says in Matthew 6:33 ” But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Someone with whom I can share God’s calling.

As I have told you repeatedly, my life’s calling is rooted in our shared home. So beautiful and yet so broken, there is no other place on this earth that stirs my heart and excites my soul as the potential that lies within its borders and people. My hope and prayer is to the Lord – “Restore us, O God; let your face shine, that we may be saved!” (Psalm 80:3).

What say you, my friend? Few will understand what I have written, much less what I mean. But then, they have not had the privilege of countless hours spent in the comfort of our friendship, with steaming mugs in their hands and prayerful words on their lips.